i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize