You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
