T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
