actually, I'm a sock model
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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