before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
