I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
