Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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