just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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