with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
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Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
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Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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