i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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