I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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