Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
