Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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