I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
