for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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