I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
