I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
