It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
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