If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I am spending my child support on dildos
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
