i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize