That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You made out with two different species that night
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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