found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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