No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
