so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
organizing the empties. That sober.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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