she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
