I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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