i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
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God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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