Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
