she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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