Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
