i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
either way he was missing a nipple.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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