last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
