next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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