it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
