i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
