great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
you win again, gameday.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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