Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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