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we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
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