I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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