can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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