I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
