I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
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Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
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Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.