And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I showed him my bush... on skype.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted