I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"