Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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