Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.

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(805): View more from California

a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot

(818): View more from California

god is laughing at you again

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(248): View more from Michigan

Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?

(1-248): View more from Michigan

Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.

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(469): View more from Texas

Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take

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(630): View more from Illinois

btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts

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(773): View more from Illinois

He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.

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(325): View more from Texas

I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.

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