She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
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After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
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thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!