Texts From Last Night

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  (845): View more from New York

  just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.

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  (845): just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever. http://tfl.nu/d1ay
  Replies (21) Good night (8998) Bad night (783)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!

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  (513): the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS! http://tfl.nu/o380
  Replies (49) Good night (3306) Bad night (5293)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.

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  (724): Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote. http://tfl.nu/ighh
  Replies (26) Good night (4066) Bad night (1713)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.

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  (314): Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American. http://tfl.nu/y4zk
  Replies (8) Good night (2918) Bad night (931)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.

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  (808): Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry. http://tfl.nu/7pno
  Replies (4) Good night (2732) Bad night (850)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.

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  (989): Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it. http://tfl.nu/2dh1
  Replies (2) Good night (1956) Bad night (649)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.

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  (412): He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit. http://tfl.nu/k42l
  Replies (5) Good night (1771) Bad night (876)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.

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  (503): Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer. http://tfl.nu/ruer
  Replies (5) Good night (1447) Bad night (677)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.

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  (907): Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me. http://tfl.nu/90ns
  Replies (27) Good night (968) Bad night (3371)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.

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  (412): So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt. http://tfl.nu/8gk3
  Replies (2) Good night (544) Bad night (1234)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.

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  (469): Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked. http://tfl.nu/5hhs
  Replies (8) Good night (1509) Bad night (856)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?

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  (613): Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus? http://tfl.nu/amrt
  Replies (4) Good night (399) Bad night (863)
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  (909): View more from California

  omg i wish you could see the front of my car.

  (909): View more from California

  There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.

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  (909): omg i wish you could see the front of my car. (909): There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood. http://tfl.nu/64tw
  Replies (7) Good night (1099) Bad night (397)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.

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  (608): Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation. http://tfl.nu/yj08
  Replies (1) Good night (807) Bad night (396)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  It was so small.

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.

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  (603): It was so small. (1-603): Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way. http://tfl.nu/witd
  Replies (5) Good night (377) Bad night (522)

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