so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
