Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
