p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
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Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
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The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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