If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
God I need to hump something, right now.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
