Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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