We won't sleep together?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
