sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
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