started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
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I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
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I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
And then my night got REAL pukey
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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