Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
you had me at cake vodka
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
