I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
