This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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