He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
