the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
