My sheets look like a crime scene.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
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