we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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