i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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