I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
