Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i would punch a child for taco bell
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
A+ Viking dick
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