My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
