Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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