i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
