Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
