Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize