bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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