and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
