I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
