Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
