remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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