She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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