How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
