The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
a search helicopter?!
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
