Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
