Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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