i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
